1 00:00:49,604 --> 00:00:50,437 Oi! 2 00:00:50,437 --> 00:00:51,430 Somebody help us. 3 00:00:51,430 --> 00:00:53,065 Somebody save my baby girl! 4 00:00:53,065 --> 00:00:54,398 Doctor! 5 00:01:00,443 --> 00:01:02,693 Patient 293, please. 6 00:01:03,601 --> 00:01:04,518 Oh, shit. 7 00:01:05,893 --> 00:01:06,726 Ow. 8 00:01:21,598 --> 00:01:23,160 The NHS is rubbish. 9 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:24,960 Yeah, don't say that, yeah. 10 00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:26,160 It's not the NHS's fault they've been 11 00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:28,110 stripped of their funding and... 12 00:01:28,110 --> 00:01:29,610 It's all these time wasters anyway. 13 00:01:29,610 --> 00:01:30,443 Look at them. 14 00:01:30,443 --> 00:01:32,297 You can't be that judgemental. 15 00:01:32,297 --> 00:01:34,020 Verrucas, mate, yeah? 16 00:01:34,020 --> 00:01:35,279 Mr sniffles over here. 17 00:01:35,279 --> 00:01:37,083 And what's wrong with you, big man? 18 00:01:38,446 --> 00:01:39,420 Ah! 19 00:01:39,420 --> 00:01:40,350 Oh, shit. 20 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:41,370 Ugh. 21 00:01:41,370 --> 00:01:43,050 You need to be here. 22 00:01:43,050 --> 00:01:44,411 You'll be all right, won't you, bro, eh? 23 00:01:50,715 --> 00:01:52,749 Does it go there, yeah? 24 00:01:59,297 --> 00:02:00,993 That was wicked. 25 00:02:06,486 --> 00:02:07,400 Finally. 26 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:08,972 Right, so here's the deal. 27 00:02:08,972 --> 00:02:10,030 This girl is- 28 00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:12,225 Look, sorry, I'm a bit busy at the moment. 29 00:02:12,225 --> 00:02:13,058 It's okay. 30 00:02:13,058 --> 00:02:14,466 It's okay. 31 00:02:14,466 --> 00:02:16,020 They're busy, mate. 32 00:02:16,020 --> 00:02:18,000 They work really hard this lot. 33 00:02:20,126 --> 00:02:21,477 You all right, beta? 34 00:02:21,477 --> 00:02:23,477 No, not really. 35 00:02:26,153 --> 00:02:27,630 He's on eBay. 36 00:02:27,630 --> 00:02:29,282 Huh? 37 00:02:29,282 --> 00:02:31,173 He's on fucking eBay. 38 00:02:43,426 --> 00:02:44,523 Craig, is it? 39 00:02:45,630 --> 00:02:47,190 We really hope you're the winning bidder 40 00:02:47,190 --> 00:02:49,200 on that signed plastic cast 41 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:51,000 of Daniel Radcliffe's penis, yeah? 42 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:53,790 But the thing is, my sister's got some broken bones, 43 00:02:53,790 --> 00:02:55,539 so could you check us in? 44 00:02:55,539 --> 00:02:58,403 Before I break some of yours, Craig? 45 00:02:58,403 --> 00:03:00,530 We have a zero tolerance policy 46 00:03:00,530 --> 00:03:02,320 on threats of violence towards NHS staff. 47 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:04,080 Is that right, is that right? 48 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:05,550 Well, you ain't really NHS staff, are you, Craig? 49 00:03:05,550 --> 00:03:06,383 Huh? 50 00:03:06,383 --> 00:03:07,410 You're the freelance. 51 00:03:07,410 --> 00:03:09,150 Earning twice as much money as the people 52 00:03:09,150 --> 00:03:10,735 who do the real work in here. 53 00:03:10,735 --> 00:03:11,663 Fraud. 54 00:03:11,663 --> 00:03:15,256 Yeah, and I want my pound back from this trolley as well. 55 00:03:15,256 --> 00:03:16,680 It's not his job. 56 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:17,513 No, but I want it back. 57 00:03:17,513 --> 00:03:19,112 All right, all right. 58 00:03:19,112 --> 00:03:20,850 Look, I'll help you, okay? 59 00:03:20,850 --> 00:03:22,590 It's just what you said just then... 60 00:03:22,590 --> 00:03:25,050 Well, that really hurt my feelings. 61 00:03:25,050 --> 00:03:25,923 Sorry. 62 00:03:27,056 --> 00:03:29,802 Please take a ticket, wait for your number to be called, 63 00:03:29,802 --> 00:03:32,073 and good luck finding a seat. 64 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:36,003 I've missed it, now! 65 00:03:37,378 --> 00:03:39,390 These places make me nervous. 66 00:03:39,390 --> 00:03:40,223 You? 67 00:03:40,223 --> 00:03:42,330 I've just spent half an hour being pushed down the bus lane 68 00:03:42,330 --> 00:03:43,830 in a shopping trolley. 69 00:03:43,830 --> 00:03:44,663 So ungrateful. 70 00:03:44,663 --> 00:03:45,496 Oi. 71 00:03:45,496 --> 00:03:47,460 They're full of germs and sick people. 72 00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:48,917 I wish you were never born. 73 00:03:48,917 --> 00:03:50,194 I wish you were dead. 74 00:03:50,194 --> 00:03:52,410 It'll be fine as long as I stay clean. 75 00:03:52,410 --> 00:03:53,243 It'll be fine. 76 00:03:53,243 --> 00:03:55,049 And so does Mobeen as well. 77 00:03:55,049 --> 00:03:56,313 Shut up, please. 78 00:03:57,225 --> 00:03:59,520 Yo, we were better off in Kids AandE. 79 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:00,431 Well, that kid's fine. 80 00:04:00,431 --> 00:04:03,090 You unplugged his respirator. 81 00:04:03,090 --> 00:04:04,560 Yeah, to charge my phone. 82 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:05,738 Shut up! 83 00:04:05,738 --> 00:04:07,890 Just a reminder, I've got broken bones 84 00:04:07,890 --> 00:04:09,690 and I'm in a shopping trolley. 85 00:04:09,690 --> 00:04:11,070 We were having a wicked time 86 00:04:11,070 --> 00:04:12,990 until Miss Injury-Fake-Ardinian 87 00:04:12,990 --> 00:04:14,817 made us come to the hospital for nothing. 88 00:04:17,460 --> 00:04:18,293 Relax. 89 00:04:20,779 --> 00:04:22,170 Hey, hey, family. 90 00:04:22,170 --> 00:04:24,390 Everything's gonna be okay, all right? 91 00:04:24,390 --> 00:04:25,920 Just watch something on your phone. 92 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:26,940 How you feeling, baby girl? 93 00:04:26,940 --> 00:04:27,773 You okay? 94 00:04:27,773 --> 00:04:30,369 It hurts, but I'll survive. 95 00:04:30,369 --> 00:04:31,546 You're so brave. 96 00:04:31,546 --> 00:04:32,379 Ow! 97 00:04:32,379 --> 00:04:33,212 Oh, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. 98 00:04:33,212 --> 00:04:34,798 I told you he wishes you were dead. 99 00:04:34,798 --> 00:04:36,140 No, no, no, just... 100 00:04:36,140 --> 00:04:37,923 Just leave it. 101 00:04:37,923 --> 00:04:39,256 Leave him, okay? 102 00:04:49,710 --> 00:04:51,991 The rock bottom's about economics. 103 00:04:51,991 --> 00:04:53,609 No, that's just a wrestling move. 104 00:04:53,609 --> 00:04:54,887 Shut up, you jabronies. 105 00:04:54,887 --> 00:04:57,620 Yeah, you tell them, Mr Tumble. 106 00:04:59,010 --> 00:04:59,843 Aqsa Deen? 107 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:06,510 Mobeen. 108 00:05:06,510 --> 00:05:08,760 I've learned how to say good bye in sign language now. 109 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:09,593 What? 110 00:05:11,851 --> 00:05:13,182 Where are you going? 111 00:05:13,182 --> 00:05:14,015 With you. 112 00:05:14,015 --> 00:05:15,000 No, you ain't. 113 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,230 The nurse will assess me. 114 00:05:16,230 --> 00:05:17,130 Yeah, I know, that's why I'm coming, 115 00:05:17,130 --> 00:05:17,970 to make sure you're okay. 116 00:05:17,970 --> 00:05:19,230 I don't need you there. 117 00:05:19,230 --> 00:05:20,456 Why? 118 00:05:20,456 --> 00:05:23,432 Because I'll have to take my shirt off. 119 00:05:23,432 --> 00:05:24,952 Oh! 120 00:05:24,952 --> 00:05:26,895 Oh, yeah, you go from here. 121 00:05:26,895 --> 00:05:28,860 Make sure you close the curtains though, baby girl, 122 00:05:28,860 --> 00:05:31,982 'cause AandE's full of perverts and weirdos. 123 00:05:31,982 --> 00:05:33,513 Yeah, you heard me, Craig. 124 00:05:41,855 --> 00:05:42,870 Mobes. 125 00:05:42,870 --> 00:05:43,703 Uh-huh. 126 00:05:43,703 --> 00:05:44,640 I've been thinking. 127 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:46,573 What we gonna say when they ask how she got injured? 128 00:05:46,573 --> 00:05:48,218 We're just gonna tell the truth. 129 00:05:48,218 --> 00:05:49,443 We got nothing to hide. 130 00:05:49,443 --> 00:05:51,090 Yeah, we were wrestling with her in the garden. 131 00:05:51,090 --> 00:05:53,220 Yeah, just three grown men wrestling. 132 00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:54,053 Yeah. 133 00:05:54,053 --> 00:05:56,010 With a 15-year-old girl. 134 00:05:56,010 --> 00:05:56,843 Yeah. 135 00:05:57,934 --> 00:05:59,584 We're going straight to prison. 136 00:06:01,676 --> 00:06:03,990 You're gonna have some different things 137 00:06:03,990 --> 00:06:05,030 on your hands in prison, you understand? 138 00:06:05,030 --> 00:06:08,843 I'm telling you right now, we can not tell the truth. 139 00:06:08,843 --> 00:06:10,337 Look, stop panicking. 140 00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:12,030 The only reason why you're panicking 141 00:06:12,030 --> 00:06:13,770 is 'cause of the way the media's conditioned everyone 142 00:06:13,770 --> 00:06:15,210 to think about young girls 143 00:06:15,210 --> 00:06:16,830 and all ethnic minority men. 144 00:06:16,830 --> 00:06:17,970 Come on, man. 145 00:06:17,970 --> 00:06:20,190 Facts, we're just gonna hit them with the facts. 146 00:06:20,190 --> 00:06:21,023 Yeah? 147 00:06:21,023 --> 00:06:22,410 We were wrestling with my little sister, 148 00:06:22,410 --> 00:06:23,243 like we always do. 149 00:06:23,243 --> 00:06:24,076 With my shorts on. 150 00:06:24,990 --> 00:06:25,823 Okay. 151 00:06:25,823 --> 00:06:27,939 She'd climbed on the wheelie bin, jumped off, 152 00:06:27,939 --> 00:06:30,621 bust up the shoulder there, 153 00:06:30,621 --> 00:06:32,640 and we brought her into AandE 154 00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:34,546 because her parents ran away to Pakistan 155 00:06:34,546 --> 00:06:36,377 without notifying anyone. 156 00:06:36,377 --> 00:06:37,980 You might as well say she got injured 157 00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:39,586 training for the Taliban. 158 00:06:39,586 --> 00:06:40,500 Come on. 159 00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:41,670 You're just overreacting, mate. 160 00:06:41,670 --> 00:06:42,632 Come on, man. 161 00:06:42,632 --> 00:06:43,830 Listen, Mobe's. 162 00:06:43,830 --> 00:06:44,783 If they think this is a boogie situation, 163 00:06:44,783 --> 00:06:47,310 they're gonna start snooping around. 164 00:06:47,310 --> 00:06:48,660 Well, let them snoop. 165 00:06:48,660 --> 00:06:49,950 We ain't got nothing to hide, bro. 166 00:06:49,950 --> 00:06:51,732 Yeah, except you used to be a drug dealer. 167 00:06:51,732 --> 00:06:52,565 - Shh. - Ssh! 168 00:06:52,565 --> 00:06:54,300 Mobeen is an upstanding Christian... 169 00:06:54,300 --> 00:06:57,120 Muslim and a responsible legal guardian. 170 00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:58,500 Yeah, that's me, the... 171 00:06:58,500 --> 00:06:59,520 Huh, legal guardian? 172 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:00,360 Yeah. 173 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:03,063 Yeah, I'm her legal guardian. 174 00:07:06,039 --> 00:07:07,560 Hey, put your headphones in. 175 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:08,393 Huh? 176 00:07:08,393 --> 00:07:09,810 Put your headphones in. 177 00:07:11,717 --> 00:07:12,550 Mobes. 178 00:07:12,550 --> 00:07:13,383 Yeah? 179 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:15,633 Mobeen. 180 00:07:18,112 --> 00:07:19,008 Okay, no. 181 00:07:19,008 --> 00:07:21,299 No, I'm not technically her legal guardian. 182 00:07:21,299 --> 00:07:22,132 What? 183 00:07:22,132 --> 00:07:22,965 Bro, listen. 184 00:07:22,965 --> 00:07:23,953 Listen, listen. 185 00:07:23,953 --> 00:07:25,710 Those fees are so expensive! 186 00:07:25,710 --> 00:07:26,843 And what does Aqs think about that? 187 00:07:28,340 --> 00:07:30,253 Yeah, she doesn't know yet, so... 188 00:07:30,253 --> 00:07:31,307 Oh! 189 00:07:31,307 --> 00:07:32,483 Hey. 190 00:07:32,483 --> 00:07:34,493 Come on, don't be angry. 191 00:07:34,493 --> 00:07:35,970 I'm not angry. 192 00:07:35,970 --> 00:07:36,803 Okay. 193 00:07:36,803 --> 00:07:38,130 Good. 194 00:07:38,130 --> 00:07:39,183 Just disappointed. 195 00:07:41,246 --> 00:07:42,180 Look, come on. 196 00:07:42,180 --> 00:07:43,500 Don't be disappointed with me. 197 00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:44,730 Please don't be in a mood. 198 00:07:44,730 --> 00:07:47,341 0 Oh, you'll know when I'm in a mood with you, Mobeen Deen. 199 00:07:47,341 --> 00:07:48,174 You'll know. 200 00:07:48,174 --> 00:07:49,814 They could take her away, you know? 201 00:07:57,990 --> 00:07:59,160 Go on. 202 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:00,282 I'm gonna Khabib this thing. 203 00:08:00,282 --> 00:08:02,032 Yeah, yeah. 204 00:08:03,697 --> 00:08:06,090 It came out! 205 00:08:06,090 --> 00:08:07,281 That's for you, beta. 206 00:08:07,281 --> 00:08:08,114 Thanks. 207 00:08:08,114 --> 00:08:09,117 Can you get me a Starburst? 208 00:08:09,117 --> 00:08:09,952 Get in there. 209 00:08:09,952 --> 00:08:11,035 Shall I Khabib it? 210 00:08:11,035 --> 00:08:13,872 Yeah Khabib it, go on. 211 00:08:13,872 --> 00:08:15,037 Yeah, it came out! 212 00:08:16,369 --> 00:08:17,202 Which one is it? 213 00:08:17,202 --> 00:08:18,099 What came out? 214 00:08:18,099 --> 00:08:19,643 Uh, I don't know if it came actually. 215 00:08:19,643 --> 00:08:22,297 Pakistan the shit out of this machine. 216 00:08:22,297 --> 00:08:23,714 Come on. - Mobes. 217 00:08:26,029 --> 00:08:27,415 Whoa, my man. 218 00:08:27,415 --> 00:08:29,973 That's a very descriptive tattoo. 219 00:08:30,924 --> 00:08:31,770 It's not a tattoo, is it? 220 00:08:31,770 --> 00:08:33,750 It's permanent marker. 221 00:08:33,750 --> 00:08:36,300 Cause you wanted to save money on a tattoo, 222 00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:37,830 but still have the ability to go swimming 223 00:08:37,830 --> 00:08:39,867 with the words dick tickler written across your forehead, 224 00:08:39,867 --> 00:08:40,800 yeah? 225 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:42,977 It's not your job title, is it? 226 00:08:42,977 --> 00:08:44,860 Are there any vacancies? 227 00:08:44,860 --> 00:08:49,290 No, it's just the lads having a bit of a laugh for just... 228 00:08:49,290 --> 00:08:53,169 It won't come off and I start my new job on Monday morning. 229 00:08:53,169 --> 00:08:54,343 Doing what? 230 00:08:54,343 --> 00:08:56,930 Uh, supply teacher, so... 231 00:08:57,990 --> 00:08:58,950 Yeah. 232 00:08:58,950 --> 00:09:01,408 Then you also finish your new job on Monday, don't you? 233 00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:02,340 Yeah. 234 00:09:02,340 --> 00:09:03,810 Is it just your own? 235 00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:06,619 Or do you have to tickle other peoples' as well? 236 00:09:06,619 --> 00:09:07,752 What? 237 00:09:07,752 --> 00:09:08,970 I don't know what you... 238 00:09:08,970 --> 00:09:09,870 Baby girl. 239 00:09:09,870 --> 00:09:11,340 What took you so long? 240 00:09:11,340 --> 00:09:12,390 They need to X-ray it, 241 00:09:12,390 --> 00:09:15,162 but it'll take ages and there's no beds. 242 00:09:15,162 --> 00:09:16,890 But you're okay though, aren't you? 243 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,290 Well, this doctor lady came in 244 00:09:19,290 --> 00:09:22,292 and started asking me some weird questions about you lot. 245 00:09:22,292 --> 00:09:23,333 What do you mean? 246 00:09:23,333 --> 00:09:24,840 I can't go to prison. 247 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,490 My face is too kind. 248 00:09:26,490 --> 00:09:27,600 What did she say? 249 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:28,470 Yeah, what... 250 00:09:28,470 --> 00:09:29,916 What did she say? 251 00:09:29,916 --> 00:09:32,974 Loads of stuff at first, but... 252 00:09:32,974 --> 00:09:35,490 I think that she thinks one of you lot 253 00:09:35,490 --> 00:09:37,233 did this to me on purpose. 254 00:09:38,220 --> 00:09:39,747 I'd make a terrible boyfriend in prison. 255 00:09:39,747 --> 00:09:40,580 No, you wouldn't. 256 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:41,413 Don't say that. 257 00:09:41,413 --> 00:09:42,930 Anyway, did you tell her the truth? 258 00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:45,300 That I was wrestling my brother and his two mates? 259 00:09:45,300 --> 00:09:46,620 That you lost at wrestling. 260 00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:48,118 At least tell it properly. 261 00:09:48,118 --> 00:09:51,210 Wrestling with grown men sounds mad creepy out loud. 262 00:09:51,210 --> 00:09:52,650 Yeah, it does sound a bit creepy, actually. 263 00:09:52,650 --> 00:09:53,607 Yo. 264 00:09:53,607 --> 00:09:54,565 Please. 265 00:09:54,565 --> 00:09:56,130 So, what did you say? 266 00:09:56,130 --> 00:09:57,210 I stuttered at first, 267 00:09:57,210 --> 00:09:59,206 but then I came up with this sick alibi. 268 00:09:59,206 --> 00:10:00,690 Yeah, you did, baby girl. 269 00:10:00,690 --> 00:10:01,523 What did you say? 270 00:10:01,523 --> 00:10:02,356 What did you tell them? 271 00:10:02,356 --> 00:10:03,189 Gentlemen. 272 00:10:03,189 --> 00:10:04,863 Can I have a word with you all, please? 273 00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:07,134 Oh, shit. 274 00:10:07,134 --> 00:10:07,967 I'm not with them. 275 00:10:07,967 --> 00:10:09,840 I was just using the vending machine. 276 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:11,130 Shit. 277 00:10:11,130 --> 00:10:12,254 What are you worried about? 278 00:10:12,254 --> 00:10:13,504 I don't know. 279 00:10:18,456 --> 00:10:21,546 So, how did Aqsa Deen sustain her injuries? 280 00:10:21,546 --> 00:10:22,770 What did she tell you? 281 00:10:22,770 --> 00:10:23,700 If you tell me what she said, I'll tell you what I said. 282 00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:25,246 Right. 283 00:10:25,246 --> 00:10:26,520 Let's not worry about my version. 284 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:27,480 What my sister's version is? 285 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:29,070 Well, I think she's making it up. 286 00:10:29,070 --> 00:10:30,980 Would you believe me if I said we were wrestling? 287 00:10:34,180 --> 00:10:36,630 Did I tell you about the tiger? 288 00:10:36,630 --> 00:10:37,463 A tiger. 289 00:10:37,463 --> 00:10:38,850 What did she say happened? 290 00:10:38,850 --> 00:10:42,300 And it jumped through the air like a mad tiger bastard. 291 00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:43,425 What? 292 00:10:43,425 --> 00:10:44,970 You can check my record. 293 00:10:44,970 --> 00:10:47,630 I've never been involved in anything illegal, I swear. 294 00:10:47,630 --> 00:10:49,110 Mr Obidi, I'm a doctor. 295 00:10:49,110 --> 00:10:51,780 Then I was like, Mobeen, run. 296 00:10:51,780 --> 00:10:53,430 Get Aqsa out of here. 297 00:10:53,430 --> 00:10:55,700 Let's have this conversation... 298 00:10:56,538 --> 00:10:57,892 At Dixy Chicken's. 299 00:10:57,892 --> 00:10:59,037 How about that? 300 00:10:59,037 --> 00:11:00,600 Are you flirting with me? 301 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:01,433 No, I'm not doing that. 302 00:11:01,433 --> 00:11:02,266 Mr Deen. 303 00:11:02,266 --> 00:11:05,131 Mm-mm. 304 00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:06,873 Mobeen! 305 00:11:08,939 --> 00:11:10,540 A tiger? 306 00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:17,651 Why? 307 00:11:17,651 --> 00:11:18,484 Why? 308 00:11:20,245 --> 00:11:21,660 "Life of Pi." 309 00:11:21,660 --> 00:11:23,152 Ugh, you're an idiot. 310 00:11:23,152 --> 00:11:25,050 You didn't do too much better yourself, either. 311 00:11:25,050 --> 00:11:27,450 You were in there making us look guilty as shit. 312 00:11:28,961 --> 00:11:30,243 What did you say? 313 00:11:33,510 --> 00:11:34,563 Oh, my God. 314 00:11:37,038 --> 00:11:38,579 Guys... 315 00:11:38,579 --> 00:11:40,740 I'm gonna lose her, innit? 316 00:11:40,740 --> 00:11:41,610 That's what's gonna happen here. 317 00:11:41,610 --> 00:11:42,560 I'm gonna lose her. 318 00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:45,510 I can't do this right now. 319 00:11:45,510 --> 00:11:46,590 We need some time apart. 320 00:11:46,590 --> 00:11:47,667 What? 321 00:11:47,667 --> 00:11:48,833 No, Mobes. 322 00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:49,666 No, no. 323 00:11:49,666 --> 00:11:50,880 No, we need some time apart. 324 00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:51,713 Mobe's, I can change. 325 00:11:51,713 --> 00:11:52,980 You're very strong. 326 00:11:52,980 --> 00:11:54,487 We need some time apart. 327 00:11:54,487 --> 00:11:55,320 Let go! 328 00:12:05,638 --> 00:12:07,143 What shall we do now? 329 00:12:08,441 --> 00:12:09,410 I... 330 00:12:12,537 --> 00:12:13,803 I need to poo. 331 00:12:39,930 --> 00:12:43,299 I can't believe I forgot to renew my Bupa. 332 00:12:43,299 --> 00:12:46,623 I mean, this place is a fucking shambles, buddy. 333 00:12:48,390 --> 00:12:50,100 It's crazy in here. 334 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:53,250 So what you in for, fella? 335 00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:57,087 Ah, banged my bonce on a barge on Simmo's stag do. 336 00:12:57,087 --> 00:12:59,463 Luckily, I brought my own medicine. 337 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,584 Long ass waiting times in here tonight. 338 00:13:05,584 --> 00:13:07,745 To be fair, you can't blame them, can you? 339 00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:10,563 They've had their funding cut, they're under-resourced. 340 00:13:12,180 --> 00:13:13,640 Mmm... 341 00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:15,298 Is it? 342 00:13:15,298 --> 00:13:16,650 Is it though, buddy? 343 00:13:16,650 --> 00:13:19,520 Is it under-resourcing, or is it... 344 00:13:21,660 --> 00:13:23,043 Something else? 345 00:13:28,650 --> 00:13:30,224 Indeed. 346 00:13:30,224 --> 00:13:31,710 Indeed, it... 347 00:13:31,710 --> 00:13:33,350 Is it something else... 348 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:36,060 Or is it someone else? 349 00:13:36,060 --> 00:13:37,726 Yes, exactly. 350 00:13:37,726 --> 00:13:38,730 Exactly. 351 00:13:38,730 --> 00:13:40,440 I mean, you're not one of them, though, are you? 352 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:41,490 I mean, you were... 353 00:13:41,490 --> 00:13:43,260 You were born here right? 354 00:13:43,260 --> 00:13:44,190 Oh, absolutely, yeah. 355 00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:45,810 I was born and raised in Birmingham. 356 00:13:45,810 --> 00:13:46,685 Yeah, yeah. 357 00:13:46,685 --> 00:13:48,977 I think you'll find I'm one of the good ones. 358 00:13:48,977 --> 00:13:50,040 Yes, you are. 359 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:50,873 I knew you were. 360 00:13:50,873 --> 00:13:51,706 Good man. 361 00:13:51,706 --> 00:13:52,726 Right. 362 00:13:52,726 --> 00:13:54,150 One word for you. 363 00:13:54,150 --> 00:13:55,350 Uh-huh. 364 00:13:55,350 --> 00:13:56,183 Brexit. 365 00:13:57,060 --> 00:13:58,105 Well... 366 00:13:58,105 --> 00:14:00,153 I've got two words for you. 367 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:02,159 Love it. 368 00:14:02,159 --> 00:14:04,082 Fan-bloody-tastic. 369 00:14:04,082 --> 00:14:05,327 Fan-bloody-tastic. 370 00:14:05,327 --> 00:14:08,051 You know, I just think the great thing is now, 371 00:14:08,051 --> 00:14:13,051 we can have an open, honest discussion about immigration. 372 00:14:13,908 --> 00:14:15,630 Absolute... 373 00:14:15,630 --> 00:14:16,659 Absolutely. 374 00:14:16,659 --> 00:14:17,492 You know what? 375 00:14:17,492 --> 00:14:18,530 Now, we've had it... 376 00:14:19,998 --> 00:14:21,654 Let's send the bastards back. 377 00:14:21,654 --> 00:14:22,743 Yes! 378 00:14:23,862 --> 00:14:26,520 God, how fucking refreshing. 379 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:28,230 I mean, from someone of your... 380 00:14:28,230 --> 00:14:29,340 But, hey, look. 381 00:14:29,340 --> 00:14:30,173 Mmm-hmm. 382 00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:31,200 Don't get me wrong. 383 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,114 I'm not a racist, buddy. 384 00:14:33,114 --> 00:14:34,350 Of course not. 385 00:14:34,350 --> 00:14:36,747 You haven't got an issue with trousers of color, 386 00:14:36,747 --> 00:14:39,479 why would you have an issue with people of color? 387 00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:40,620 Exactly. 388 00:14:40,620 --> 00:14:42,000 Trousers and... 389 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:42,833 Exactly. 390 00:14:42,833 --> 00:14:43,830 That's a good one. 391 00:14:43,830 --> 00:14:45,450 I'm gonna steal that, if you don't mind. 392 00:14:45,450 --> 00:14:46,762 Breader. 393 00:14:48,482 --> 00:14:49,315 Boom! 394 00:15:07,289 --> 00:15:08,811 Oh! 395 00:15:08,811 --> 00:15:09,810 Hey, big guy. 396 00:15:09,810 --> 00:15:12,033 Are you ready to be a family again? 397 00:15:14,340 --> 00:15:15,903 Of course. 398 00:15:20,030 --> 00:15:21,343 Any news? 399 00:15:21,343 --> 00:15:22,790 Yeah, she's had the X-ray. 400 00:15:22,790 --> 00:15:24,723 She waiting for a sling now. 401 00:15:27,140 --> 00:15:30,585 Hey, listen to me, I'm worried for real. 402 00:15:30,585 --> 00:15:32,250 She'll be fine. 403 00:15:32,250 --> 00:15:35,400 Not about her, but these hospital staffs, man. 404 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,923 Them lot think we hurt her for real, for real. 405 00:15:38,839 --> 00:15:40,440 Do you know what we need? 406 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,280 Yeah, a lawyer. 407 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:42,680 No, some time apart. 408 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,403 Let's see how you like it. 409 00:15:47,303 --> 00:15:48,153 Hey. 410 00:15:49,369 --> 00:15:50,487 Only joking. 411 00:15:50,487 --> 00:15:51,966 Do you want a Twix? 412 00:15:51,966 --> 00:15:53,355 Oh, yeah, all right. 413 00:15:53,355 --> 00:15:54,188 Yeah. 414 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:26,790 Me, sore head. 415 00:16:26,790 --> 00:16:28,530 You, no fix. 416 00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:32,010 Me wait very, very long time. 417 00:16:32,010 --> 00:16:32,883 Okay, right. 418 00:16:35,125 --> 00:16:37,260 Still haven't bloody been seen. 419 00:16:37,260 --> 00:16:39,570 Surprise, sur-fucking surprise. 420 00:16:39,570 --> 00:16:42,068 You know, I don't know where you'd find more foreigners, 421 00:16:42,068 --> 00:16:44,943 the patients or the bloody staff. 422 00:16:46,009 --> 00:16:49,050 What have you and Simmo been putting in that flask, Rafe? 423 00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:50,372 Liquid racism, yeah? 424 00:16:50,372 --> 00:16:51,205 You know... 425 00:16:51,205 --> 00:16:52,410 Sorry, could somebody tell me 426 00:16:52,410 --> 00:16:54,921 which bloody country we're in again? 427 00:16:54,921 --> 00:16:56,307 Hard to tell, innit? 428 00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:58,200 Hard to tell though, Rafe. 429 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,570 What with all the Eastern European radiographers 430 00:17:00,570 --> 00:17:03,180 and the Nigerian consultants sorting you out. 431 00:17:03,180 --> 00:17:04,170 Sorry, buddy. 432 00:17:04,170 --> 00:17:06,210 Am I detecting a hint of aggression there? 433 00:17:06,210 --> 00:17:07,043 Oh, bloody... 434 00:17:07,043 --> 00:17:10,170 I thought we were on the same bloody page. 435 00:17:10,170 --> 00:17:11,581 Same page? 436 00:17:11,581 --> 00:17:14,130 Motherfucker, we're not even in the same book. 437 00:17:14,130 --> 00:17:15,324 Sorry about the swearing, all right? 438 00:17:15,324 --> 00:17:16,157 That's okay. 439 00:17:16,157 --> 00:17:17,035 He's an asshole. 440 00:17:17,035 --> 00:17:17,937 Oh, I see. 441 00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:19,290 All right, I get it. 442 00:17:19,290 --> 00:17:21,570 You know, the trouble with you people, 443 00:17:21,570 --> 00:17:23,253 you're all the bloody same. 444 00:17:24,230 --> 00:17:25,697 You're right, Rafe. 445 00:17:25,697 --> 00:17:27,309 We are the same, innit? 446 00:17:27,309 --> 00:17:29,319 We're all sick of posh pricks like you 447 00:17:29,319 --> 00:17:31,650 running our government and our media. 448 00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:32,483 Posh? 449 00:17:32,483 --> 00:17:34,410 Whoever said I was posh? 450 00:17:34,410 --> 00:17:36,480 Mr Forbes Plunket. 451 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:37,313 Thank you. 452 00:17:37,313 --> 00:17:38,150 - Is that you, yeah? - Yeah. 453 00:17:38,150 --> 00:17:39,480 Is that you? 454 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:41,460 See you later, you double-barrelled dickhead. 455 00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:42,787 Don't shove your willy in any pigs heads on the way down. 456 00:17:42,787 --> 00:17:46,016 You know, I wouldn't stick my willy in a pigs head, 457 00:17:46,016 --> 00:17:48,933 'cause I'd use its vagina, like a gentleman. 458 00:18:07,890 --> 00:18:08,723 Dr Lange. 459 00:18:20,481 --> 00:18:21,830 She won't be too long. 460 00:18:21,830 --> 00:18:23,400 How long do you think she'll take? 461 00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:24,233 I don't... 462 00:18:24,233 --> 00:18:25,066 I don't know. 463 00:18:25,066 --> 00:18:25,899 All right, just calm down, all right? 464 00:18:25,899 --> 00:18:26,732 Relax. 465 00:18:26,732 --> 00:18:27,565 I'm okay. 466 00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:28,398 I'm okay. - Just relax. 467 00:18:28,398 --> 00:18:29,613 Stop man-handling today. 468 00:18:31,062 --> 00:18:32,613 Mobeen. 469 00:18:32,613 --> 00:18:33,557 Aqsa. 470 00:18:33,557 --> 00:18:34,401 Hey. 471 00:18:34,401 --> 00:18:35,340 Hey, you okay? 472 00:18:35,340 --> 00:18:37,110 Yeah, they've sorted it. 473 00:18:37,110 --> 00:18:37,943 Okay, let's go home. 474 00:18:37,943 --> 00:18:38,776 Let's go home. 475 00:18:38,776 --> 00:18:41,490 I'm afraid I can't quite release your sister just yet. 476 00:18:41,490 --> 00:18:42,763 Sorry, and why is that? 477 00:18:42,763 --> 00:18:45,260 There are a few more details we need to iron out. 478 00:18:45,260 --> 00:18:47,000 And what are these details, sorry? 479 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,833 Just about following certain procedures. 480 00:18:50,970 --> 00:18:52,384 Moonbeam. 481 00:18:52,384 --> 00:18:53,610 Oh, I'm gonna run. 482 00:18:53,610 --> 00:18:54,840 I'm gonna run. 483 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:55,673 No. 484 00:18:55,673 --> 00:18:56,506 No. 485 00:18:56,506 --> 00:18:57,656 These procedures. 486 00:18:57,656 --> 00:18:58,850 Now, I really need to poo. 487 00:18:58,850 --> 00:19:02,190 It's always about pooing with you, isn't it, Nathaniel? 488 00:19:02,190 --> 00:19:03,963 Oh, shit. 489 00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:11,283 Finally, about bloody time. 490 00:19:14,504 --> 00:19:16,089 You're not a doctor. 491 00:19:16,089 --> 00:19:16,922 What? 492 00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:17,755 Nothing. 493 00:19:17,755 --> 00:19:20,004 This man will take care of you, okay? 494 00:19:20,004 --> 00:19:21,363 Yeah, yeah, I will. 495 00:19:21,363 --> 00:19:23,400 And of course it's a brown one. 496 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:24,233 Thank you. 497 00:19:34,064 --> 00:19:35,970 What did you call him for, huh? 498 00:19:35,970 --> 00:19:37,440 He should be dealing with real criminals, 499 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:39,060 not law-abiding citizens like us. 500 00:19:39,060 --> 00:19:39,930 Law-abiding. 501 00:19:39,930 --> 00:19:40,763 Behave. 502 00:19:40,763 --> 00:19:42,000 I called him because you lied. 503 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,110 Lied? 504 00:19:43,110 --> 00:19:44,100 Did you lie? 505 00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:45,330 Cause I ain't lying, so who's lying? 506 00:19:45,330 --> 00:19:46,163 Go on. 507 00:19:46,163 --> 00:19:46,996 Well, either you lied, 508 00:19:46,996 --> 00:19:49,230 or there's a fucking tiger loose in Small Heath. 509 00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:50,063 Maybe there is. 510 00:19:50,063 --> 00:19:50,896 A tiger? 511 00:19:50,896 --> 00:19:51,729 What is this, "Life of Pi"? 512 00:19:51,729 --> 00:19:53,340 You are not taking her away from me. 513 00:19:53,340 --> 00:19:54,173 Simple as that. 514 00:19:54,173 --> 00:19:55,006 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 515 00:19:55,006 --> 00:19:56,100 Who's talking about taking people away from you? 516 00:19:56,100 --> 00:19:57,300 She's talking about that, bro. 517 00:19:57,300 --> 00:19:59,310 If this is domestic abuse and one of them 518 00:19:59,310 --> 00:20:00,480 inflicted this injury on her, 519 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:03,115 then clearly he is not capable of being her carer. 520 00:20:03,115 --> 00:20:05,310 Domestic abuse on his sister? 521 00:20:05,310 --> 00:20:06,143 Yeah. 522 00:20:06,143 --> 00:20:07,670 Oh, come on, Harpes. 523 00:20:10,980 --> 00:20:12,523 No chance. 524 00:20:12,523 --> 00:20:14,640 If you'd have told me she'd broke his collarbone 525 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,200 with a flask, I'd have believed you. 526 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:17,580 She has previous. 527 00:20:17,580 --> 00:20:18,840 You're my guy, you know. 528 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:19,673 Don't touch me. 529 00:20:19,673 --> 00:20:20,506 Sorry about that. 530 00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:24,878 Where have you been? 531 00:20:24,878 --> 00:20:26,610 Operation. 532 00:20:26,610 --> 00:20:28,260 Listen, to get to the bottom of this, 533 00:20:28,260 --> 00:20:29,400 we need the truth. 534 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:30,630 How did she break her neck? 535 00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:31,463 Okay, so- 536 00:20:31,463 --> 00:20:33,168 The truth, Maybelline. 537 00:20:33,168 --> 00:20:34,473 Nathaniel, speak. 538 00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:38,280 Speak right now or you're going to prison. 539 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,200 We were playing WWE, then she stood on a bin 540 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:41,033 and she fell off the bin, 541 00:20:41,033 --> 00:20:42,540 and then we pushed her in a trolley in the bus lane, 542 00:20:42,540 --> 00:20:44,641 and it was an accident. 543 00:20:45,773 --> 00:20:46,606 And... 544 00:20:46,606 --> 00:20:48,019 And then I tried to tombstone her. 545 00:20:51,666 --> 00:20:54,510 And you're just gonna take their word for it? 546 00:20:54,510 --> 00:20:55,800 Yeah, he is. 547 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:56,772 Shut up. 548 00:20:56,772 --> 00:20:57,870 Harper? 549 00:20:57,870 --> 00:20:58,880 Shut up. 550 00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:00,393 Aztlan, give me your phone. 551 00:21:03,166 --> 00:21:05,670 He films every little thing this lot do. 552 00:21:05,670 --> 00:21:07,127 I do want to film Mobeen- 553 00:21:07,127 --> 00:21:09,386 And we just press play. 554 00:21:12,903 --> 00:21:13,736 Oh, Aqsa... 555 00:21:13,736 --> 00:21:14,790 Did I get it? 556 00:21:14,790 --> 00:21:16,200 Well... 557 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,230 Thank you for wasting everybody's time. 558 00:21:19,230 --> 00:21:21,510 Yeah, lads, it's not just NHS time you've wasted, 559 00:21:21,510 --> 00:21:23,063 it's also police time, so... 560 00:21:23,063 --> 00:21:25,304 Can you piss off, dick tickler? 561 00:21:25,304 --> 00:21:26,283 Right-o. 562 00:21:28,237 --> 00:21:29,866 Well, there you go, Dr T, huh? 563 00:21:29,866 --> 00:21:31,770 Confirmation from Mr Officer Harper- 564 00:21:31,770 --> 00:21:32,603 Don't touch me. 565 00:21:32,603 --> 00:21:33,436 Sorry about that. 566 00:21:33,436 --> 00:21:34,530 Now, I am more than capable 567 00:21:34,530 --> 00:21:35,795 of looking after my little sister. 568 00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:36,628 Ow! 569 00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:37,629 Oh, sorry, baby girl. 570 00:21:38,462 --> 00:21:39,630 Oh, God. 571 00:21:39,630 --> 00:21:41,067 Ah, Officer. 572 00:21:41,067 --> 00:21:42,696 Officer, please help. 573 00:21:42,696 --> 00:21:45,946 I came into this hospital with a mild concussion 574 00:21:45,946 --> 00:21:50,044 and a consultant has just sown up my arsehole-- 575 00:21:50,044 --> 00:21:51,003 Oh, fuck. 576 00:21:53,838 --> 00:21:55,640 I wanted to be like Dr Lange. 577 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:56,473 Uh-huh. 578 00:22:00,246 --> 00:22:01,530 I'm off. 579 00:22:01,530 --> 00:22:03,230 You deal with the human centipede. 580 00:22:04,803 --> 00:22:05,636 Please. 581 00:22:05,636 --> 00:22:07,770 I'm losing a lot of blood from the anus. 582 00:22:07,770 --> 00:22:08,940 Come with me. 583 00:22:08,940 --> 00:22:09,773 Hey, Rafe. 584 00:22:09,773 --> 00:22:10,890 Why don't you take a seat? 585 00:22:10,890 --> 00:22:11,970 I can't take a... 586 00:22:11,970 --> 00:22:13,650 Because all the blood's falling out of my... 587 00:22:13,650 --> 00:22:14,700 Follow me. 588 00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:17,250 It's a fucking travesty back there. 589 00:22:17,250 --> 00:22:18,930 Like an f-ing war zone. 590 00:22:18,930 --> 00:22:19,763 Slow down. 591 00:22:19,763 --> 00:22:20,596 Did you do that? 592 00:22:22,266 --> 00:22:25,366 Did I do good? 593 00:22:25,366 --> 00:22:27,431 You did wicked. 594 00:22:27,431 --> 00:22:28,429 Yes! 595 00:22:28,429 --> 00:22:29,523 Wicked! 596 00:22:29,523 --> 00:22:30,856 Such an asshole.